What It Means To War.

(For the four Afghan women training in America to become the first women pilots for the Afghanistan Air Force)

Women war differently. We do not disease the children. We do not take the pregnant as prisoners. We do not infest blankets with bacteria before extending them to shivering indigenous citizens, as we prepare to steal their land. Our theft is of hearts, not hearths. We do not lop the hands that feed us, nor do we leave our rifle casings where the babies will mistake them for candy. We do not rape the journalists. Our wars are waged with wisdom. We are not recklessly retaliatory.

We wait.

I mean this, daughter, as double entendre. That is to say: we serve, with our tavern skirts sheathing our daggers, and we sit, with impatient expectation, until the men are weary enough, under the caress of our arrow-launching fingers, to yield.

We gather their secrets. We accept their slow and eventual admission to their boys’ clubs, their ballot boxes, their military. We tell them we love them, when they come to us convinced they have lost their right to anyone’s affection. They are right, but we are not lying: we love them.

This, by far, is our greatest ammunition. We understand, in ways that they don’t, that war–the way they wage it–is quick to dehumanize. We understand that when we cease to see their faces, their fear, their defiance, their patriotism, their own tenuous ability to love, we forfeit those very traits in ourselves.

Our war is not against the courage of our opponents’ convictions. It is against becoming shells.

You will never become the husk of the self you shed, if you remember how deeply and powerfully you can love.



2 responses to “What It Means To War.”

  1. This is well thought out and very insightful. Ms. Brown is a very prolific writer and a deep thinker. I count it an honor to read what she writes. Thank you for sharing.
    Can’t wait for her book.

  2. Holy crap. This is great. Strong, graceful and fierce.

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about stacia

Stacia L. Brown was born in Lansing, MI at the very end of the 1970s. She grew up in Baltimore, MD–the county, not the city. She graduated from Trinity College (now Trinity Washington University) in DC with a BA in English and worked a few office gigs, while trying to jump-start her writing career, before moving to New York for grad school.

At 27, she finished an MFA in fiction at Sarah Lawrence College. She spent the next six and a half years working as an adjunct writing professor first in Michigan at Grand Valley State, Kuyper College and Grand Rapids Community College, then in Maryland at The Community College of Baltimore County and, for one dazzling semester, at MICA, while also working as a freelance writer for various publications, including The Washington Post, where she currently serves as a weekly contributor, New Republic, Rolling Stone, The Atlantic, and others.

In 2010, she became a mother.

For a semi-complete list of Stacia’s online publications, visit her bylines page.

Her short story, “Be Longing,” was selected for publication in It’s All Love: Black Writers on Soul Mates, Family, and Friends (Doubleday/Harlem Moon 2009), edited by Marita Golden. Her poem, “Combat,” appears in Reverie: Midwest African American Literature. Her essay on adjuncting as a single mother appears in the Demeter Press title, Laboring Positions: Black Women, Mothering and the Academyedited by Sekile Nzinga-Johnson.

Stacia served as the 2013-14 Editorial Fellow for Community Engagement at Colorlines. In June 2015, she was part of the inaugural Thread at Yale class. She was a 2015 participant in Women’s Media Center’s Progressive Women’s Voices training program. She was a 2019 Tin House Scholar and a participant in the Cambridge Writers Workshop in Paris, also in 2019.

In addition to her work in print, Stacia is also an accomplished audio storyteller. In November 2015, Stacia became the creator and producer of Baltimore: The Rise of Charm City, a radio and podcast series that tells intergenerational stories of place and memory in Baltimore City. Baltimore: The Rise of Charm City is part of the Association of Independents in Radio (AIR)’s 2015 Finding America: Localore project and is produced in partnership with WEAA 88.9.

She is the creator of Hope Chest, a collection of audio essays written to her daughter and present in podcast form at SoundCloud and Apple Podcasts. Hope Chest has been featured on BBC Radio 4’s Short Cuts and the Third Coast International Audio Festival podcast, Re:Sound. It was named one of Audible Feast’s Best New Podcasts of 2017. She also created and produces a micro-podcast for middle-grade book reviews, which her daughter narrates and hosts. It’s called Story on Stories.

In 2018, Stacia landed a gig at WAMU, as a producer of the NPR-syndicated daily news program, 1A. In 2020, she relocated from Maryland to North Carolina, where she produced radio and podcasts (including the incomparable Great Grief with Nnenna Freelon) for WUNC, North Carolina’s NPR station before moving onto other sonic endeavors. In 2022, she served as an advice columnist for Slate’s weekly parenting advice column, Care and Feeding.

Stacia resides in Durham with her amazing daughter Story.

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